An open letter to the Slim Cleanse Company

Dear Slim Cleanse Company:

Allow me to congratulate you on your wonderful marketing campaign. Although I can’t speak for every woman my age, I can tell you that it effectively tapped into my insecure (and likely unrealistic) wish to totally rawk a bathing suit when I hit the pool this summer.

Your packaging claim that in just seven days this simple yet effective regime can gently purge my body of the unwanted toxins that cause midriff bloating is most seductive.

While I’ve only been using your product for two days, I must tell you that I think your copywriter may misunderstand the word ‘gentle.’ Unless, of course, by gentle s/he means that users of this product should like spending time in the bathroom and be able to bring their laptops into the bathroom if they want to get any work done.

Although I do so want to help you to achieve corporate success, I am sorry to advise you that I will be unable to complete your slim cleanse regime. I just don’t have the time or the toilet tissue budget to continue at this time and I’ll never get to the pool if I fall much further behind in my work.

Best of luck with your business.

~Dana McCauley

7 Responses to An open letter to the Slim Cleanse Company

  1. Beth says:

    Ha! So it’s true that diet and exercise are the only way to go?

  2. Cheryl says:

    I’m guessing you may not get many weight-loss freebies for a while. You tell ’em, Dana!

  3. giz says:

    Alrighty then!

  4. Yikes! I had a similar issue with an herbal cleansing tea. Glad you’ve kept your sense of humour about it.

  5. danamccauley says:

    Sometimes you just have to laugh at yourself. Intellectually I knew this was crap but I paid $28 bucks for it anyway….idiot!

  6. susan says:

    thanks for the warning….i was thinking about buying that product…but you have certainly and graciously changed my mind…my hind end thanks you!!!

  7. replacing a toilet…

    […]An open letter to the Slim Cleanse Company « Dana McCauley’s food blog[…]…

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